Self esteem is often about comparing ourself to others to decide if we are succeeding or failing. Yes, it is helpful to have a more positive view of ourselves, but our opinion of ourselves is often a “fair weather friend ” We all know how slippery a slope it can be to never feeling “good enough” .No one can be a “10” all the time.
Self- compassion can be a good alternative when self-esteem leaves you. Self -compassion is like a U Turn back to yourself. These are three components to help you practice being more compassionate.
- Self – Kindness is being kind to yourself rather than being harsh and judgmental. Try being a friend to yourself as you might to someone else that you care about. Try being supportive when you make a mistake or have a difficult time. Judging yourself or others causes suffering and isolation.
2. Mindfulness is the ability to be with whatever is happening without judgment. With effort and practice, a courageous presence says that you are willing to address the pain and attempt to have an open heart. Being able to develop a way to calm your body and mind will help you learn how to respond rather than just react to difficulty.
3 Common Humanity is accepting that the human condition is imperfect, and we all live imperfect lives. When you get caught up in thinking this should not be happening even when it is, you cause yourself even more suffering. Failure, loss and difficult times are all a part of the human race and human condition.Our challenge is to try and stay connected to others rather than isolate and create more personal suffering.
When we are more self accepting, we are less afraid of making mistakes and more willing to keep at it. When we are less afraid to fail, we can recognize our mistakes and apologize when we make them. www.selfcompassion.org can offers tools to develop your self-compassion.
Your sense of touch is a direct way to bring a loving healing energy to you or others. Try bringing your hand to your heart or hold your hands together in a gentle manner. We are biologically wired for touch, and we need it!!
Also consider expressing a sound that is soothing to you. Try “ AHHH” and let yourself feel the sound reverberate through your body. Pay attention to the words that you speak to yourself when you make a mistake. Can you soften the inner critic and find a more compassionate way to think about what you have done? You will not be selfish or stay stuck in old unhealthy patterns if you are a better friend to yourself. We can grow with self acceptance and still learn from our mistakes with less judgment and criticism. Can you start being your own caring friend and give your yourself some Self-Compassion?
