How often do you think, “ I am not good enough” or “I am not OK”. We live in a competitive evaluative world where we can feel judged by others or even more so by ourselves. This critical judgment can cause us fear and anxiety that can impact our bodies or erode our sense of self- worth. Tara Brach Ph.D., author of Radical Acceptance was the first to use this phrase trance of unworthiness. Just like a hypnotic trance, we criticize and judge ourselves often without being aware of it. We believe we can control ourselves through judgment into becoming the person we think we should be. Brach uses the technique RAIN developed by a meditation teacher, Michele McDonald to help break this cycle.
To begin, find a quiet place and take a few breaths. Bring to mind a situation where you feel stuck- a conflict, an illness, failure or regret. Try to visualize the scene or situation sensing what it was like for you.
R- Recognize what is happening. Try to identify what is happening inside of you. What emotions are you feeling? Where in your body and what does the emotion feel like inside of you? How are you experiencing this situation in your mind, body, and heart?
A -Allow life to be just as it is. Send yourself the message of “Let Be” – whatever the feelings are that you are having. This may be tough given the struggle or pain that is happening, but tell yourself at this point in the process, “What is….is”.
I – Investigate your inner experience with kindness. Continue to explore, “What about this situation wants my attention?” Can you identify any beliefs or thoughts that arise as you allow yourself to feel the struggle? Can you soften in your body or heart? If there is tension or judgment, can you question, “What do you need from me?” Does this suffering and pain want recognition, acceptance, forgiveness or perhaps love? How might you bring kindness or compassion to yourself by either words or actions?
N- Non Identification- Rest in Natural Awareness. As you offer yourself this kindness, try to relax back and feel the tenderness – like a loving person might offer to a child. Take some deep breaths and rest in the awareness that you the person are more than your ever changing thoughts. Your being is more than your limiting beliefs. Brach suggests that you put your hand over your heart as you send loving kindness to yourself.
This is not a one stop fix to your internal negative dialogue, but a place to begin to interrupt the trance of unworthiness. Take a look at Tara Brach’s books and her talks online. She has much to offer all of us.
